Every year on St. Patrick’s Day I can’t help but remember losing my v card. What’s that? Didn’t everyone make sexy for the first time on St. Patrick’s Day? No? Oh, well. Your loss. Ah, the memories of awkward sexy times and four-leaf clovers and cheap beer and grossness!
If I had three wishes they would be as follows: The Postal Service would make another album, I would have a unicorn has a house pet and a certain Virginia Attorney General would agree to be the star in a reality TV show on Fox called “If I Can’t See You Then You Must Not Exist”. I would totally turn in to see his crazy antics and shenanigans! I have feeling he would put his house plants in time out for looking at him funny and ask for all his groceries to be double bagged in plastic.
Barista is a bit of a snake charmer. She can make you change your mind and question fundamental life choices. Her abilities shine when playing Would You Rather. Would you rather have spaghetti hair or sweat mayonnaise? Sweat mayonnaise, obvi. I would make sandwiches off myself! Don’t ask B though because she’ll have you wishing you had spaghetti hair quicker than say, “God hates stupid people.” The girl is crafty like ice is cold!
Like a Leprechaun, I’ve never actually seen Chatroulette but that doesn’t mean I’m not obsessed with it. Magical and wily Chatroutlette is! If I were to get up in Chatroulette I would totally only speak Jedi and advocate the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. “If big butts you like not, then get fit, you must!”