Help Wanted

It's an empty position situation!


Wanted: Single Male who enjoys the simpler things in life such as boozing too much on school nights, impromptu dance parties, bad reality television and having adventures on foot or bicycle.  Potential applicants must have extensive knowledge about beatin’ the beat, shenanigans and irony.  Skullduggery and emotional unavailability is a plus, but not required.  Republicans, religious zealots and baby daddies need not apply.   

The deadline for this application is Friday, March 26th.  Interested candidates may forward their resume and headshot to  NO PHONE CALLS, PLEASE!  

TLW is an equal opportunity employer and applicants of all races are encouraged to apply.


5 thoughts on “Help Wanted

  1. does growing up here disqualify me?

    (apart from being a paunchy hirsute darky )

    but your description of the ideal is somewhat like the “adventuresome yet prudent, party animal yet housebody” single ads on craigslist that are the butt of internet jokes.

    How could anyone well-versed in shenanigans, beatin’ the beat and irony not be a self-medicating stoner? A real alky, as you describe, would be too busy drinking on school nights to learn how real people stay sane without racking up DUIs or getting kidnapped by the cutoffs-tats-vinyl crowd.

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