Now don’t go spreading this around town, but typically I am not nearly as big of a bitch as I appear on the Internets. I know, right? As such, until I have labeled you a dick, I’m going to be nice to you. Unless you’re holding hands walking down the street. For some reason this drives me crazy. How is that an effective way of walking? It’s ridiculous and I’ve been noticing it more and more around RVA. So please, cut it out. But I digress. I am especially nice to those working any type of service industry job. Their jobs blow shit. I know this because I have worked them and any time a person thinks they have a modicum of control, they’ll exert their “power” in the most dick way possible.
Fast forward to today. After a glorious bike ride I decided that TLW deserved herself a Stuffy’s Sub. I heart Stuffy’s. It’s the shit. End of discussion. Anywhoos, so I’m patiently waiting in line and absorbed in losing my most recent Words With Friends game when I look up and hear a man barking orders at the poor kid behind the counter. “Double up on the tomatoes!” “More spices!” “Pickle Spear!” “Why is this taking SO LONG?!” At first I thought that this must be some kind of joke because no one is this big of an asshole, right?
After taking what seemed like an eternity to get his precious order correct, the kid had the unfortunate task of informing him that pickles were, wait for it, 25 cents extra. You would have thought he told him he got a blowie from his equally irritating wife the way he reacted. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN PICKLES ARE EXTRA?! I’VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING SO RIDICULOUS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Resisting the urge to jump in with a, “Oh really? How about George W. Bush wining the presidential election-TWICE?” I continued to look at the scene unfolding before me. Deciding the pickles were worth the extra fifty cents he decided to extract change from his pocket and toss it forcefully on the counter. “Just ridiculous!” he added one last time before attempting to walk away.
Unable to control myself any longer I finally said, “You know what, sir? You’re a real dick, you know that?” He just stared at me unable to comprehend what I had said. “Well, uh…yeah..I mean…uh..yeah”, he mumbled. “Yep, a real Grade A asshole. Excuse me, I need to pay”. Then I looked at the poor cashier and said, “Sorry, people can be such jerkoffs.” I’m not sure why I decided to chime in. Maybe it was because of the whiskey I had the night prior. Maybe it was because, having worked at that same Stuffy’s from the ages of 16-22, I dealt with similar situations and hadn’t been able to say what I was thinking at the time. Either way, it felt real nice. Happy Sunday everybody!
Café Darkness 
I agree completely! I was at Kroger’s today in the 10 items or less section, and this older lady just screamed at the boy at the register. She said “no, you wait a minute, stop ! as he was trying to ring up her groceries. This is after she slapped them down on the conveyor belt right in front of him. What was he supposed to do? Well, she was just a horribly rude person.
But I disagree with you on Bush. He was one of the greatest Presidents we ever had. Obama elected? NOW THATS RIDICULOUS! LOL. He ain’t even American.
It’s important for other customers to speak up because the jerks know that employees never will. You could have thrown that guy head first into the UTZ chip rack and nobody would have said shit.
I am very fortunate that at my job, for the most part, I have the ability to tell people that they are being assholes. I’ve also found that most people aren’t mad. They know they’re being assholes. They just need someone to call them out on their assholish-ness to keep them in check.
This does not extend whatsoever to “no tipping guy”, on “can’t stop talking on my cellphone long enough to give you my drink order” guy, and “hey sweet tits, give me a brewski” guy. They are apparently completely immune to being called out. Those guys can totally find the closest cliff and let me push them off. Preferably to the tune of Tom Petty’s Freefallin’. But I’m not picky.
Damn right. Good for you, stickin’ up for the little guy. You’re like the Barack Obama of Stuffy’s. Or the Magnum PI. Or the Robin Hood. Naw, let’s go with Obama.
We’re really swapping lives! Now you understand why the only altercations I’ve ever had have been in lines. Next week I’ll wear plaid and call some happy young couple gross.
Sweet. I’ll river dance around bars and demand free woo-woos.
Dear Matt,
Barack Obama is a narcissistic socialist dictator. He would never stick up for anyone, unless they paid him .
I have never been to a Stuffy’s but this kind of scene often happens at my regular sandwich hangout, Subway, which I continue to go to even though you get the Subway Smell on you after being inside for only a few minutes. Good for you for saying something!
On behalf of retail/food service slaves everywhere, thank you. It isn’t a matter of most of us being unwilling to tell someone they’re being a jerk, its more being unable to do so without the strong possibility of losing our jobs. I’ve had a few customers stick up for me in the past and those are the people I am forever grateful for.