SEVENTH RING OF HELL, HELL-Adolph Hitler prematurely updated his Facebook status today from the fiery depths of hell where one of the most evil men in the history of mankind will spend an eternity to, “thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!” when, in fact, not one friend wished the former German dictator and leader of the Nazi party to have a happy birthday.
Hitler had been anticipating an influx of updates to his page from friends wishing the man responsible for the deaths of over 11 million people to, “have a great day.” “I just can’t believe it” said Hitler from the shores of the Lake of Fire. “I thought Joe (Joseph Stalin) would have at least liked my status today and I can’t believe V-dog (Vlad the Impaler) didn’t help tend my Farmville crops considering I totally helped him build a barn last week. But whatever, it’s cool.”
When reporters questioned Joseph Stalin and Vlad III of Romania as to why they refused to wish their Facebook friend a happy birthday they responded that admittedly they were into some, “pretty fucked up shit when we were alive like starvation and impaling and stuff like that, but nothing that messed up.” Added the men, “Jesus H. Christ.”
At press time both Stalin and Vlad III had unfriended Hitler leaving him with zero friends.