RICHMOND, VA. Virginia’s Attorney General, Kenneth Cuccinelli released a statement earlier today proclaiming himself God, the omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent creator of the Universe. “By just going ahead and declaring I’m God will make my work as the Commonwealth’s Attorney General that much easier”, he explained to reporters earlier today. “No longer bound by silly corporeal things like the United States Constitution, Federal laws and all around human decency, I can now do whatever I like, whenever I like.” “I’m in it to win it”, he added.
Virginia’s clearly insane ultra conservative right-wing nut job Attorney General already made headlines in the short time he has been in office such as when he refused to include sexual orientation in the state’s anti-discrimination policy, altering the state seal for modesty and, most recently, supporting police forcefully taking evidence from local and college newspapers. “I’m over having to deal with the ‘formalities’ of being this fine state’s Attorney General. I want to just make everyone do what I say, when I say it. This is actually much, much easier.”
At press time, 80% of Virginia’s residents were fleeing the state in hopes of escaping the demented man’s wrath. The remaining 20% were erecting statues of Cuccinelli in their front lawn next to their already present Confederate Flag.