Worst Weekend Ever?

This is why I can't have nice things

I’ve had better weekends. The time I accidentally visited Guantanamo Bay and got water boarded for 48 hours straight comes to mind. That was slightly better. Check it:

1-Mercury is retrograde like whoa. For those of you who do not follow the ways of the Universe this means one thing and one thing only: shit’s fucked up.  Mercury acts the most bananas in the beginning and end and it happens to end tomorrow. (Thank you!) As such, that wacky planet wreaked havoc over my life last weekend.  GO DIRECT ALREADY! JESUS!

2-Broken Things. Over the course of two days the following things I love broke: the speakers to my iPod, Billy Mays and my coffee pot. All three things play an integral role in me not sticking my head in an oven and calling it a day, so yeah, I’m pretty pissed. 

3-Billy Mays’ cover smashing into a million little pieces is a big enough deal to get his own mention. Not long ago I was out and a guy commented that I was insane to not have a cover on Billy. He had dropped his Billy and cracked the screen like crazy.  I told him I was free ballin’ and don’t worry about what I’m doing, live your own life. Well as luck would have it on Saturday I find myself standing outside of 7-11 waiting for a friend when I inexplicably and suddenly lose the ability to hold on to Billy and he falls to the concrete, smashing himself. I can’t talk about it anymore right now.  Moving on.

4-Mother’s Day.  I don’t like most holidays. I particularly don’t care for holidays that I think are completely arbitrary and an excuse from Hallmark to drum up business such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas and Easter (ha!), Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

5-Starting tomorrow I have meetings all day Tuesday and Wednesday. I have a visceral reaction to meetings, particularly meetings I couldn’t give a crap about. I predict that by 11:30 tomorrow morning I will have wild eyes and be on the brink of losing it completely. I EVEN HAVE TO EAT LUNCH WITH THEM.  Ah! Let me be! I hate having to spend time with people I can’t stand and making awkward chit-chat about the weather. Shoot me.

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One thought on “Worst Weekend Ever?

  1. RIP Billy Mays. You will be missed.

    I, too, have shattered many a phone. I feel your pain. The most recent victim plunged to his death when I left him on top of my car, and then drove away, got on a freeway, and ten minutes later, exclaimed “F*CK” as I remembered said cell phone being put there, and never retrieved.

    I know that I didn’t know and love Billy Mays like you did–I can only share my own stories of sorrow. I also know that no phone could ever replace a love like yours. But I do wish you ‘Godspeed’.

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