Generally I am granted at least a half hour of solitude before T Saur’s stank ass struts in, but today he decided to get to work an hour early because he took the day off on Friday. I know, right?! That was the first day he’s taken off in his two years here at Steal Your Soul, Inc. I’m sure you’re wondering what the special occasion was, and I’ll tell you. He decided he was going to run the Mud Run on Friday. Ah, what’s that? Oh, the race didn’t start until 6 o’clock? And, do wha? We work less than a mile away from Belle Isle, the location of said race? Why yes, you would be correct on both parts, but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I did my Kool-Aid dance straight away upon hearing the good news. T said he, “needed to prepare for the run” on Friday and wouldn’t be coming in. I’m not sure what types of “preparations” are required to run 3 miles, but whatever.
Fast forward to Monday morning. Early Monday morning. Like so early I had yet to even get a cup of coffee early before he assaults me and forces me to listen to how the race went. “Well, it didn’t go so good” [sic]. Not knowing what the hell he was talking about because I’m busy thinking about badminton (!!), I asked him to elaborate WTF he was talking about. “My race. I just wanted to get it out there because I knew you would ask how it went.” Thinking to myself that there could be nothing farther from the truth I simply nod. “So I get there at four, right? (HA!) and I’m thinking I could just walk up and let them know I was going to be running, but then they told me it was sold out. So I didn’t run it.” Unable to control myself I asked him why in the world he thought he could just “walk up” and say he was running without registering prior to the event and was he a bit touched in the head, bless his heart? He replied that he had no idea he had to register prior and was confused by the “devices people had on their shoes”. I explained that those “devices” are used to track your time, and yes, you need to register in advance for these types of events. He then said he waited around for every single runner to run the race hoping they would let him run at the last minute. (OMG. Dying!) I then explained that this isn’t like being on standby at the airport. Either you register for the event, or you don’t, and you missed it so you’re SOL. He then told me that he thinks he really should have known about registering and feels stupid. (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried!)
You guys, he is so stupid I don’t even know if I can make fun of him anymore. As we speak he is furiously attempting to locate and then register for a 5K race, so runners of RVA beware!