Editor’s note: In an effort to maintain my pledge of real talk, I present to you an uncensored, no holds barred description of events. Thank you and goodnight.
I’m not sure what is going on in the Universe that’s making the fellas go bananas lately but it’s a cosmic shit storm and TLW loves! JK, I totally hate it and I’m going to need y’all to slow your collective roll for a hot second.
1-Nicholas Sparks would be so proud. If I request for to please not send me an email that will undoubtedly make our friendship awkward to the max, take my advice and do *not* hit send. Now shit’s all sorts of fucked. Instead, treat this situation like a rom com. Write the letter, then ceremoniously burn it, preferably near a body of water whilst playing The Cure in the background.
2-I’ll see you at the Rainbow Bridge. My ex husband took the boys on Saturday and arrived an hour early for no real reason. Unable to figure out what to do with this extra hour, I suggested we start drinking. Don’t judge me. It was after 10 AM and it was Strawberry Hill! For those of y’all not in the know, my ex has cried two times the entire time I’ve known him. One time was when his father had a health scare. The other time was after he watched King Kong. For serious. Anywhoos, so he told me that he and his brother were throwing back a few (shocking) and he was suddenly overcome with sadness at the thought that after our boys die (which will be never) I would have no reason to talk to him anymore. Right. I asked him if it would make him feel better if I pinky swore that we could continue to talk even after Sammy and Scooter go to the light. He said yes, it would. So I did. Shoot me.
3-He’s just not that into you. The third and final entertaining encounter involved a gentleman who wasn’t my boyfriend at all, then was kind of I guess and now isn’t again but we now sometimes we hang n’ bang. And yes, I know I said I was marrying Jesus, but seriously if y’all believed that then I have some land in Florida I would like to sell you. So it’s me and my friend at Strawberry Hill (who just so happens to be a guy who likes other guys like that) and we meet up with my aforementioned friend who I occasionally make the sexy with. I’ll go ahead and blame it on the alcohol because he assumed that we were…wait for it…sexing it up. Apparently this was upsetting to him after drinking for 12 hours which makes me LOL to infinity because he just wasn’t that into me. Gotta love the races. And day drinking. And gay friends.