VENICE, LOUISIANA. BP officials announced yesterday that they would begin accepting solutions from the general public in regards to what steps the British company should take to stop the massive amounts of oil that are currently gushing from an oil leak causing massive environmental damage to the Gulf of Mexico’s fragile ecosystem.
Howard Smith spoke on behalf of the company earlier today and stated that at this time BP has, “no idea what the fuck we are going to do about this oil leak. We are completely out of ideas and now turn to you, the general public, to help us stop this environmental nightmare from continuing.”
This is not the first time BP officials have used the public’s suggestions. Mr. Smith admitted that the idea of a “containment dome” came from a five-year girl at a McDonald’s Play Land and a local Louisiana hobo suggested the “junk shot” method, which involves plugging the well with rubber. Both, he stated were, “great ideas that just didn’t pan out.”
At press time BP officials were currently reviewing three different ideas to help contain the leak: using a hot tub time machine to go back to the day before the leak and plug it with kittens, employing a wizard from the future to perform magic on the leak and finally, hiring a velociraptor to “scare” the leak with it’s high pitched shrieks and clacking talons.