Yesterday I came up with what may be my best money-making scheme yet. It involves a twist on the world’s oldest profession but instead of selling my milkshake, I’m selling my company!  I call it FRIENDS FOR HIRE and for the low, low cost of $19.99 you get me, TLW, to hang out with you for an entire evening! Drinks on you and no funny business, please-unless you’re cute and I feel like getting handsy after a couple of cocktails.

Now I know what you’re thinking, who in the world would pay for me to hang with them, amright? And to a certain extent, you’re right! Most people would find no need to employ my services as they have plenty of friends/significant others/real dolls to occupy their time.  However, there are some people who would be silly to not use FRIENDS FOR HIRE for basement bargain price of $19.99 (plus drinks, no funny business)!

You: New to town and in search of someone with impeccable taste to take you around to RVA’s hottest spots. HIRE ME! As a Richmond native I am more than aware of what bars around town would be to your tastes. Are you into Ed Hardy? Then let’s go to Star-lite, anywhere Downtown or maybe even Bar Louie in DTSP.  Are you a lobster-pants wearing preppy asshole? Cool! Let’s hit up City Limit and then anywhere on Robinson! A dirty fucking hipster? No irony, no problem! We’ll go to Ipanema, The Camel and Gallery 5. Trust! 

You: A still in the closet gay man attending a family reunion. HIRE ME! I love my gays and would be more than willing to pretend to be your adoring girlfriend to your judgey Southern Baptist family. For an extra $10.00 I’ll even pretend to be a Republican!

You: Recently divorced and realized all of your friends are other married couples who pretty much only couple skate. HIRE ME! As a divorcée, (God, I love that word, it’s so 1980’s Dynasty) myself I also had to mix things up.  Not only do I bring experience to the table, but I make a great a fantastic wingman and promise to turn you into a Kissing Bandit within 3 sessions!

You: A socially awkward singleton in need of desperately getting laid. HIRE ME! Did I mention I make an excellent wingman?! I’m capable of talking to pretty much anyone and am great salesman. I will promote your best assets to their fullest extent and  I promise you will get the sexy within 5 sessions! (Money back not guaranteed!)

So yeah, FRIENDS FOR HIRE is pretty much the best idea ever. All interested parties should hit me up at and we’ll work out the logistics.  (Drinks on you, no funny business)!


2 thoughts on “FRIENDS FOR HIRE!

  1. This is a fantastic idea. Please hire me when you get your business off the ground. I too am an excellent wingman/faux gay boi girlfriend/purveyor of all things Richmond.

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