Hey-o. Happy Hump Day, bitches! I know, right? It’s kinda of like Tuesday because of the holiday and kind of like Lil Friday since I’m off on Big Friday (Three day work week. Don’t hate). Regardless, “irregardless” is a not a word and here are your Wednesday ditties!
As we all know, I hate doing laundry. I hate doing laundry even more in the summer when it’s like a god damn Brazilian rainforest in that shit hole laundry room. You know what makes it even worse? When there’s a semi-senile 85-year-old man also ( ever so slowly) putting individual pieces of clothing in a washing machine whilst wearing pants with holes in the ass sans underwear. Right. My rods and cones will never be the same.
I need to start remembering that not *everyone* shares my sense of humor so when playing a rousing game of “Funny/Not Funny”, some people will find my humor to be offensive. Sorry, y’all. I just gots to be me!
Entirely too much of my weekend was retold in percentages of certainty. Ex: I’m 90% sure we discussed (fill in the blank), I’m 70-75% sure I did (fill in the blank), etc, etc ad nauseam into infinity. One this is for certain and that is was a 100% awesome.
Speaking of degrees of awesome, WTF is up with RVA as of late? Everywhere I go people are raging against the machine and going bananas. It seems to be all people can talk about, too. “WTF is going on? Why is everyone losing their minds and taking it to the next level?” I don’t blame it on the rain, alcohol or hillbilly heroin. I blame it on Old Man Winter being such an insufferable sonofabitch. So the next time you wake up with a hangover from hell, blame it on the weather. Whoot! Side note: Me and shots are getting a divorce. Woo-woos are still fine, but shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots need to leave my life.