You guys! This week has been bananas! Gwen Stefani has nothing on my ass, for serious. Three of the four things happened this week. If you can guess which one didn’t happen, I’ll totally do my Kool-Aid dance for you:
A-Much like a unicorn giving birth to itself, I spotted a hobo wearing a for serious, legit Pig Hat outside of CVS in Carytown. (Literally a hat with a pig on it.) He was quite nonchalant about the entire affair, as if to dare you to ask him WTF was up with his hat? I respected his fashion choice and did not question his Pig Hat. According to Twitter this guy is kind of famous for his Pig Hat, so I feel lucky to have seen him in his natural habitat.
B-I think it’s important for one to set goals for themselves, lest they become complacent with life. I have two summertime goals. The first is to ice one bro/week and the other is to make out with two boys/week. I still have to ice a bro (it’s only Friday morning! C’mon!) but I have met my goal of making out with two guys/week. One out of two ain’t bad, yo!
C-I went to go see Passion Pit and it was awesomely rad despite the fact I could have birthed half of the people there. Granted, it would have been an episode of 16 and Pregnant, but still. I also danced like crazy and took shots of whiskey despite my newly instituted “No Shots, But Shooters Are Still Okay!” policy. But seriously folks, no shots. I get too drunky and make bad decisions, k?
D-I’ve started working “Summer Hours” at my job, which basically means I’m coming and going whenever I want. Yesterday I sauntered in around 9:30 and left around 4:40 with an hour and a half lunch in between. I figure if they can pay Hulking Secretary who is incapable of ordering god damn coffee creamer $10,000 more a year than me, then I’m just kind of going to do whatever I want and see what happens. I seriously can’t believe I’m getting away with this shit, but I think my manager is scared of me. Yeah, Stefon!
E-This is a trick and all of the above happened. I’m a sneaky, b!
F-This is a trick and none of the above happened. No one is this awesome.