The Weekend in Review: June 11th-June 13th

Maybe you can be my new boyfriend? Pls?

I had a jolly good time  (most of) the weekend.  Since I’m broke as a joke, (PAY ME, BITCHES!) my plan on Friday afternoon was to simply sit around and breathe air all weekend.  However, the best laid plans often go awry so when Barista invited me over for Sangria and porch drinks on Friday evening, I accepted the invitation straight away.  The first batch of Sangria was yummers, but I asked her to verify the alcohol content as after several glasses, I was sober as a judge. She really stepped it up with the second batch and we decided we should chase our Sangria with chilled shots of Van Gogh-always a good idea, in case you were curious. When I arrived back at the crib, a good old-fashioned dog scuffle was in order at which point I played with the boys for upwards of  thirty minutes and called the kitchen floor my bed for the night.  It’s quite comfy there, actually!

What better way to start your Saturday morning than pregaming a regatta (right?) at 10:30 AM with Cherry Crushes? (Again, yummers).  Fast forward to four o’clock and I’m at the Republic drinking PBR (Why?) and screaming “Fuck BP” every time USA does ANYTHING during the USA/England World Cup Game.  If I had to pick, I would say this was the highlight of my weekend.  I somehow managed to continue this bananas behavior until three in the morning thanks to several hour-long water breaks. 

Needless to say, Sunday was no funday for me. Despite having one of the worst hangovers in recent history, I then had the pleasure of breaking up with my ex boyfriend for the third time. Awesome.  Emotionally exhausting conversations that make me have a sad compel me eat a lot of cheese and watch shitty reality television, so my Sunday night was full of fun!  I need a boyfriend (or a babysitter) ASAP.  These shenanigans can not continue.  All interested canidates may hit me up at cafedarkness@gmail.com.  Peace out, bitches!

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