RVA’s very own Young and the Restless!

Like this, but grosser

It’s time for a TSaur update!  To all the single ladies of River City, I regrettably inform you RVA’s most eligible bachelor is officially off the market. That’s right ladies and germs, T’s taken! Now I know what you’re thinking, how is this possible? Is she Helen Keller, but also without a sense of smell?  To answer your question, I honestly don’t know. I do think she’s going to screw him over in no time, so worry not embittered lonely heart club members. Why do I say that? Well, in their week-long relationship as “officially” bf/gf she’s already cheated on him. Oh, what’s that? How is that even possible, and furthermore how do I know this? T considers me some sort of confidant when it comes to matters of the heart.  It’s a blessing and curse. On the one hand I hate having to talk and smell him, but on the other I then get the details on the haps!

On Thursday he came over to my desk to “get my read” on a situation with his lady love.  Apparently she got him a toothbrush (gross) for her crib and he was over the moon excited about this. She even wrote his initials on it! Isn’t that cute?! Anywhoos, once you’re done puking I’ll finish.  So he goes over to her place and notices that his monogrammed toothbrush is missing. (Oh nos!).  When he inquires to its whereabouts she tells him that she put it in the closet (?) because she was cleaning and didn’t want it to “get in the way”. Makes sense, right? I mean, I know I always put everything in my bathroom in the closet when I’m cleaning.  I told T to stop right there. “You don’t actually believe this do you?” He said no, it sounded a bit fishy. “You do realize the only reason someone would hide a toothbrush is so someone else wouldn’t know you’re dating, right?” He agreed that he kind of thought the same thing and found it odd that a guy had stayed on her coach that night before because he was “too drunk to drive home.” I almost lost it and screamed, “Oh my god your girlfriend of two days has already cheated on you! What are you doing?!” He promised that he would “talk to her about it more” and let me know what happened and I’m sure you can imagine I was waiting with bated breath all weekend!

 Fast forward to this morning.  He lets me know straight away that they talked and, “everything is straight.” I said, “Oh so you dumped her, right?” He said no, but he was babysitting her cats, bunny rabbits and guinea pigs (seriously) for her while he was out of town. I asked him what excuse did she give him that he’s stupid enough to believe?  He said that she told him she was worried her parents would randomly stop by; see said toothbrush and then “get mad at her” for it.  I lol’d hard at that explanation and could barely get out in between spitting coffee all over the place that yeah, that totally makes sense because most 30 year old women 1-have parents that stop by when they’re not home and 2-give a shit if they are aware they’re making sexy out of wedlock. “Good luck with that one, T.” 

I think I crushed his little heart, but no more than what this girl is about to do.  No worries, y’all. It’s Young and Restless up in this b, and I’ll be sure to keep y’all informed when he walks in to her place and she’s banging some rando!

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