On Wednesday evening a friend and yours truly headed to a nearby bar for a couple of pre-party cocktails. I go to this establishment on the regular mainly because 1-I can smoke like a lady in there and 2-it’s right down the street from my house. Think Cheers except none of the wait staff knows my name and I get hooked up never on my tab. It’s pretty fucking sweet. Anywhoos, so I go up to the bar to get a round o wines and this extremely intoxicated older “genlemen” (and I’m using that term veeeery loosely) stumbles over to me and tells me I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. SCORE! His name is Charlie and he’s a regular there. Color me surprised as I never would have guessed this Stage 5 alcoholic senior citizen was a regular anywhere. He says he’s shocked he’s never seen me there before? I replied that i’m not normally boozing at 5:45 pm on a Wednesday but by the looks of it, he’s been there for quite some time. Then he started caressing my back in that lovingly disgusting way that only a really intoxicated 60-year-old man can. I got my drinks and scampered back to the table ASAP.
Not ten minutes later Grandpa Charlie lurched over and kindly offered to buy us a round of whiskey shots. He said to put it on his tab, he’d gladly pay for it. As appealing as shots of rail whiskey sounded at 6:00 pm we politely declined. Do you think Grandpa was donezo trying to woo the one and only TLW? Hayell to the no. Old folk are stubborn and ornery like whoah! If I give Grandpa any props, it was his tenacity and persistence. As we were leaving he attempted one last time to win my heart with a really awkward twirly dance move whilst introducing himself to me for the third time. One to always reward hard work, I decided to make out with him in the back office. LOL/JK. I totes didn’t. But now I think I know my target dating demographic much, much better. Old dudes are the way to go. If you need me this weekend, I’ll be hitting up the early bird special at the Golden Corral. Extra gravy, please!