Wednesday FYI

'Corn Porn

T Saur and his on again, off again, on again, and off once again girlfriend are donezo for the time being.  He’s now resorted to trolling match.com and randomly emailing ladies he thinks he’s interested in. Note: He’s not actually on match.com; he just scrolls through and looks at pictures and emails them to see if they would be interested in meeting.  Ew.  Much like online dating, he is gross. 

Speaking of dating, Mom is concerned that I’m dating, and I quote here, “zero people.” She says she doesn’t “get it” and why can’t someone introduce me to someone?!  I told her to mind her own gd business because it’s of no concern to her and I’m tired of meeting crazy people who want to wear my skin as a suit.  I’d much prefer to go out and get MC Hammered with my friends and not worry about it. Shit! Leave me alone!

While we’re discussing crazy people, I really need to stop answering numbers I don’t recognize. Just a mere thirty minutes ago my phone rang and I made the mistake of answering. Much to my delight and surprise it was very inebriated person of the male variety inviting me to meet him at Bojangles. As hard as it was to decline the invitation to eat biscuits and gravy on Nine Mile Road at nine thirty AM on a Tuesday, I had to work, so…..no.

It’s always nice to see my ex husband and be reminded why I’m so much happier without him. Last night’s visit was no exception.  Straight away I noticed what can only be described as a watch one would wear whilst playing bocce ball in Boca Raton. I freaked out and asked him if he was wearing that old man watch ironically?  He said no, it was badass and expensive (duh!) and he loved it which made me laugh hard. Then he told me he was considering moving to downtown Short Pump at which point I was laughing so much tears were streaming down my face. “Oh my god I’m so glad we’re not together anymore! You’re such a dork! Ha!” Wow. What the fuck was I thinking? Good Lord.

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One thought on “Wednesday FYI

  1. As someone who no longer lives on the east coast (although the west coast is, admittedly, way more awesome) I MISS THE SHIT out of bojangles, and would probably have had to take Rando up on that offer, if only to take advantage of free fried chicken and perhaps the best gravy ever invented amen. Just sayin’.

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