Hi. Can I be perfectly candid with you for a hot minute? You guys positively (without having feline AIDS) find the CD by searching the weirdest shit on the internets. It seriously creeps me out, but love you/mean it anyway!
Some of you found us by searching “Harrisonburg smells like dog food.” And you’re damn straight it does. The home of my alma mater (GO DUKE DOGS!) smells like dog food like woah. It’s gross. Think about that smell the next time you bite into some juicy chicken, ‘cause that’s why. Chicken farms, y’all. Chicken. Farms.
Small children and very pregnant women scare me, thus I am confused and scared as to why “children playing cricket” brought you to Café Darkness, but while you’re here, sit down and enjoy yourself!
A few you “want a divorce” and that makes me have a sad for you. JK. I don’t care. Get a divorce and go live your life.
I’m not sure who “Peaches the cat” is but that’s one pussy I’d like to meet! MEOW! RAR!
Cheers to whoever actually typed the words “dance floor ooooooooooh” into Google and hit “enter”. Call me! Let’s dance!
You guys are bananas. Now get me another drink. I’m still sober and it’s Thirsty Thursday and I’ve been sober since last night.