AMERICA-Liberals across the nation issued a collective, “Fuuuuuuuck” upon waking up this morning to the 2010 midterm election results. Although not unexpected, the GOP takeover of at least 60 seats in the House of Representatives, the majority of Governorships and numerous Senate seats, forced many liberal Americans to wonder what the hell was going on with this country and question America’s short-term memory as clearly anyone with half a brain cell would realize two years isn’t nearly long enough to fix eight years worth of mistakes. “Right?” they asked NPR on their morning commute. “Did you hear that jackass saying Republicans were tired of big government bailouts?” they wondered. “TARP was passed under the Bush Administration! How come no one knows that?!” “Shit!” they added. “And don’t even get us started on [California’s] Prop 19.”
Further infuriating the nation’s left-leaning population were the “truly fucking unbelievable” victories of several Tea Party members including Rand Paul in Kentucky and Marco Rubio in Florida. “Do Tea Partiers even know what the Constitution is?”, they asked as they parked their car at their respective work places. “No. They don’t. Morons.”
The fact that the final make-up of the Senate will include no African-Americans did not go unnoticed who questioned the direction this country is heading whilst taking the elevator. “God damn, it!” they added as they poured themselves a cup of coffee in the company break room.
At press time 80% of liberal Americans were reading Huffington Post and contemplating a move to Canada. The remaining 20% were lovingly glancing at their pictures from the Rally for Sanity they attended last Saturday and drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.