Happy New Year!
‘Tis the season for New Year Resolutions and here at Café Darkness, I also have made a list of resolutions. However, as opposed to all the morons who will infiltrate the gym for two weeks before going back to their lives of gluttony and sloth, I have zero intention of keeping any of these resolutions. Let’s think of them as more like anti-resolutions!
1-Quit Smoking. No thank you! If the Mayans are right (and I think they are!), I have less than two years of smoking like a lady left before we’ll all donezo. If and when we make it to 2013, I’ll strongly consider not quitting smoking once again.
2-Check my mail more than once a month. I know this would please my local USPS worker dearly as they love to leave me notes asking me to please check my mail and even go as so far as leaving it in front of my apartment. (Still don’t care, I’ll just step over it). However, I will not do this. As much as I love getting bills and credit card offers on the regs, I will have to decline this invitation.
3-Go out less. In theory, this is a solid resolution, but let’s get real. Why set the bar (pun intended!) impossibly high? That’s like a meth addicted prostitute off Jeff Davis saying she won’t give any more awkward handies and is going to enroll in Community College to become a paralegal and turn her life around. Ain’t happenin’ folks. Next!
4-Like babies more. Lol. No.
5-Stop procrastinating routine tasks. Things like taking out the trash and activating my new check card shouldn’t weigh heavy on my mind for days on end when they can easily be accomplished in under ten minutes. However, think of how much more rewarding it is when you actually do the dishes that have been in your sink for five days or put away the laundry you did last week? It’s so much better when you wait, stress out about irresponsible you are, finally do said chore and then congratulate yourself on your awesomeness with an extra large glass of vino. It’s how errands are done, yo!