Ladies and Gentlemen, Cafe Darkness has finally revealed that roughly 7 weeks ago, TLW and Barista officially proclaimed The Year of 2011 during an irrelevant conversation where TLW was schooling Barista on the proper use of hash tags and turn signals. In a press conference held at Delux, Barista and TLW made a joint statement acknowledging this is the latest public announcement of any Cafe Darkness year on record saying, “Oh hi. We kind of forgot we had a blog with which we could make public announcements”.
Prior to naming the Year of 2011, Cafe Darkness wasted 15 minutes reminding us of their cleverness dating all the way back to 2005.
“2005 – The Year of Bad Service. Get it? We got bad service literally every time we went out. But the weirdest part of 2005 is that we actually had money to go out,” said Barista.
“2006 – A Very Merry Passive-Aggressive Year. I’m still not allowed to speak on this one, which is kind of passive aggressive, which is kind of the point,” commented TLW.
“2007 – The Year of the Cocksucker. It’s just funny to say cocksucker,” said TLW.
“2008 – The Year of What You Mean? I forgot how we came up with this, but it really came in handy when TLW split up with her husband later that year,” noted Barista.
“2009 – The Year of Best Practices. Get a divorce, start a blog, exchange pregnancy tests for tampons. Do you. Hash tag duh,” said TLW. Barista chimed in with “Number sign! That makes a hash tag line, right?”
“2010 – The Year of That’s Not My Problem. You’ve got ninety-nine problems. I’ve got none,” said TLW.
After what seemed like ages, the Year of 2011 was declared as 2011 - The Year of It’s a Thing.
Things that are now a thing include saying it’s a thing, Kanye West, the State of Maryland threatening to withhold Barista’s federal vendor payments even though she has no idea what the fuck that’s all about, being classified as no frills or being told to bring it back to basics, trivia, warrants and priors, train wrecks, slips and falls, home ownership, woo woos and vodka limeaids.