So what if I’m one of the few people at work today? I’m out of here in an hour and this conversation with a former employee has been the highlight of my work-week. The highlight of my week outside of drooling in a cube? Convincing TLW that the world needs more people like the gentleman who was arrested for giving road kill mouth-to-mouth.
Stoney Maroni: Hey…I need a letter of coverage….
Me: You need a certificate of credible coverage. Here’s where you can get that blah blah blah
Stoney Maroni: So I need to certify myself?
Me: You need to ask for a certificate of credible coverage. (Sensing that this made no sense to Stoney Maroni, I offer to email her exactly what she wants and how to go about obtaining said letter)
Stoney Maroni: Naw, I don’t need an email. I’ll get certifiable courage.
Last night was neat-o. St. Patrick’s Day always tends to bring out the crazy and 2010 proved to be no exception. Below is just a random sampling of conversations that occurred in and around RVA last night:
Technically this was at work but it’s great nonetheless. Words of wisdom from T Saur: living legend:
Him: The waitress there was hard to understand. She didn’t speak real well English.
Me: Do. Not. Move. I need to grab a pen and paper right quick.
Overheard whilst smoking like a lady outside:
Guy 1: So what the fuck happened last Saturday?
Guy 2: Dude. No idea. All I know is I bucked a 12 pack of Bud Light, drank a shit ton of whiskey, a few lines of blow and bam! 6 hours later I was in Atlantic City.
Guy Friend to yours truly:
Friend: Yeah, she didn’t like you at all.
Me: Obvi. She was killing me with her crazy eyes.
Friend: She called you a crazy, stupid bitch.
Friend: and white trash.
Me: You know, I object to the stupid and white trash part.
Friend: Right. I told her you went to private school. It’s all good.
From a lovely gentlemen in super tight green lobster pants:
Guy: Girls with tattoos are gross.
Me: I couldn’t agree more. So, so gross!
Guy: I mean no mother of my future children is going to have some nasty design on her.
Guy: Plus when I’m hitting it from the back I don’t want to see that shit.
Guy: Oh, I mean, that one’s okay I guess. (pointing to one of mine)
Me: You’re such a d-bag.
From a different, but still lovely, gentlemen:
Me: I have sworn off the sexy for an undetermined amount of time and couldn’t be happier about it.
Him: You must be married.
Me: Nope. Totally single and this a choice. I love it!
Him: Well you could just go and get married and never get laid.