Happy 2nd Birthday Cafe Darkness

Dear Cafe Darkness,

You are the only fruit of my soiled loins and upon this, your second birthday, I vow the following:

I will pick you up and spend an hour or so with you once every other week, as the courts have recommended I do. 

I will not give one half a fuck if my coworkers discover you, my beloved bastard.

I will never use your adorableness to get a free drink at Bar Louie.  I will use your charm to get free drinks anywhere else I can.

I will never, ever, ever take you to Mechanicsville.  I fear that’s where all the people with broken dreams and nice houses live.  Terrible influences on a young mind.

I will try to remember to pay child support.  Your other Mom, TLW, still is trying to shake me down since I let your domain name expire last year.  She’s crazy as a rabid lone wolf and also, she bites.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

For piss sake, stop crying.  I won’t ignore you for another year.  I promise.

Love,

Barista